I’ll be honest…I wasn’t sure I wanted kids. They’re loud, germy, frustrating, and they take up a lot-I mean a LOT of time. I wasn’t sure I wanted to give up the freedom to pick up and go on a spontaneous weekend trip whenever I wanted to. How many times did I actually go on a spontaneous weekend trip you ask? Zero. Not once. Did I ever want my career to take a backseat to kids? My job has always been #1. I’ve actually referred to it as my “baby” before. Not to mention the state of the world we live in–did I want to bring kids into this mess?
Then came 2016. Matt and I had been married for 8 years and it had been a rough year to say the least. Family illnesses, moving, my own personal health scare–all made for a good time to re-evaluate life. On December 19, 2016, I realized I DID want kids–I had no idea that super faint second line meant I was pregnant (of course I would have if I had just read the instructions on the box!). I just realized that I really wanted it to mean I was pregnant!
I honestly had a really wonderful pregnancy (in my super limited experience). I actually enjoyed being pregnant. And when Graham James decided to come a week and a half before our induction date, I actually missed being pregnant. That is, when I wasn’t overjoyed with the tiny little bundle that decided to make an unexpected appearance.
Graham is 8 weeks now and I won’t lie–there have been some really tough, hard days. Really hard days. I’ve thought about all those doubts I originally had about having children and wondered it I was on to something. But mostly…I think about how lucky I am and how he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll be going back to work in less than 3 weeks. I’m looking forward to getting back to the “me” I’m used to. Focused on my career and finding fulfillment in working hard. But now I have something else (someone else) to focus on as well. Even though I have no idea what I’m doing (I’m pretty sure baby boy knows it too)–I’m enjoying my new mama status and I’m looking forward to finding balance as a full time working mama!