As I’m writing this, I have a week and a half until I go back to work. Week and a half. I remember thinking back in July that 3 months seemed like an eternity. How could it have flown by so quickly? I also think back to the first few weeks with a newborn. I would have gladly gone back to work then. Taking care of a newborn is tough when you’re a task driven person. I like to check things off my to do list–the newborn to do list consists of feeding, changing diapers, and hoping you’re doing everything right. Then it starts all over again. It’s hard to feel productive when you’re checking the same items off the list over and over, you know?
But I got past those first few weeks and now…now the thought of going back to work is scary. Scary as in I’m going to miss my baby…a lot. He’s just starting to become aware of the world. I can actually see him learning and changing every day. It’s going to be so hard to miss (or feel like I’m missing) all of these changes. I know every working mom out there can relate–I’m not the first mom to feel like this–and I won’t be the last.
Then comes the guilt. Another emotion I know every mom (working out of the house or not) can relate to as well. I feel guilty thinking maybe he’ll wonder where I am every day (I have no idea if babies have this capacity for thought or not). I feel guilty thinking maybe he’ll miss me as much as I miss him. I also feel guilty because as scary as it will be to leave him–I’m looking forward to going back to my job. I love my job–I just don’t love the thought of not being with him.
So I’m going to cherish this last week and a half. I’m not going to worry about whether or not I’m holding him too long and that’s going to form a bad habit. I’m not going to worry about leaving the house a mess so I can spend all my time with him. I’m not going to worry about anything but this precious time.